As a college co-ed, I envisioned my future as a wife and mom. I planned a wedding for the summer I graduated college. I anticipated our first child to be born 3 years later, with two siblings following 2-3 years afterward. I expected to enjoy a career as a school teacher when my youngest reached school age. All of this would occur by the time I turned 30 years old.
It was a nice plan. Neat and tidy, but not meant to be.
Well, at least I got the wedding part right! Exactly one week after graduating college with a degree to teach history, I walked the aisle at First Baptist Church, Arkadelphia, Arkansas, and said ?I do? to my college sweetheart.
After that my neat and tidy vision fell apart. Our firstborn didn?t arrive until I turned 28 years old, 6 years later. Then 3 more babies came in rapid succession while time marched me to 30 years, 31 years, and just shy of 34 years of age. I congratulated myself for squeezing in all those children before I hit the mysterious 35 year mark.
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But then.
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I love that phrase. It?s usually followed by something unexpected and exciting. For example, I was done birthing babies but then, at the age of 38, two little pink lines showed up on a pregnancy test.
In the last 29 weeks I?ve experienced a LOT of emotions:
- Disbelief. {No! That test can?t be right! Let me take another, or three.}
- Fear. {I?m well beyond the magical 35 year mark. What if there are genetic issues?}
- Annoyance. {I was finally done with diapers, diaper bag, and stroller!}
- Frustration. {My kids didn?t need as much from me and I could pursue my own interests.}
- Delight. {Nothing is better than feeling a baby move inside you.}
- Joy. {Watching my big kids experience this pregnancy is fun!}
I?ll be honest. There are days when I go through every one of those emotions plus a few others!
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All kinds of wild ideas pass through my mind as a middle-aged mom-to-be.
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My oldest child turns 10 just three short weeks after our surprise baby is born. I worry how the difference of a decade will affect their relationship. Recently it occurred to me I could very well be a grandma before I?m an empty nester!
Then there?s the weirdness that my paternal grandma was 40 years old when I was born ? and here I am birthing a baby just shy of 40 years old! Not that I want to be a grandma now! But, it just seems strange.
When this baby reaches high school he?ll be the only child at home. What will that be like for him after watching the closeness of the other four?
And finally, we?ll only have a few years between launching our last child and relaxing in retirement.
I never expected to birth a baby in middle-age. I never expected to be an old mom. But then, my expectations and plans always get turned upside down. Somehow life turns out better than what I had imagined for myself!
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Has life gone according to your plan? What surprises have you experienced along the way?
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Source: http://everydayfamilyliving.com/middle-aged-pregnancy-thoughts/
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